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| Sarcophagus lid in The Etruscans: From the Heart of Ancient Italy exhibit in SF |
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| Balsamarium (perfume jar) in the shape of a female head, late 3rd‒-early 2nd century BC. |
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| Statue of Vanth from the facade of a tomb, ca. 310-300 BC |
Celebrating famous female cannabis connoisseurs throughout herstory to the present day. All contents copyrighted. "Bright Leaf" artwork by Jean Hanamoto, camomoto at Spoonflower.com
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| Sarcophagus lid in The Etruscans: From the Heart of Ancient Italy exhibit in SF |
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| Balsamarium (perfume jar) in the shape of a female head, late 3rd‒-early 2nd century BC. |
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| Statue of Vanth from the facade of a tomb, ca. 310-300 BC |
I was hopeful when the Goddess Athena is bestowed as protectress to the warrior Odysseus (Matt Damon) by his wife Penelope (Anne Hathaway). Athena, portrayed by Zendaya, briefly visits Odysseus throughout the film. Her best lines came when assuring Damon that gods are not hard for mortals to understand: "Who doesn’t understand thunder? Fire?" Zeus and Poseidon are the gods that seem to have the most effect on the characters.
In the film, only Odysseus makes it to hang out with the nymph Calypso (Charlize Theron) in the Land of the Lotus Eaters, and the lotus flower is rather abused by him, only blunting his memories. (Scholars think the Lotus may have been the psychedelic Egyptian blue lotus, or opium.) The scene in which Circe, played by Samantha Morton, turns Odysseus's men into pigs is inventively portrayed, but gone is the holy moly herb given to Odysseus by Hermes that protects him from Circe's magic potion. Even the Sirens are not seen or heard, only Damon's screaming reaction to them.
Helen of Troy (Lupita Nyong'o) is demoted to launching only 500 ships by her abusive husband, and half of her face is horribly disfigured. There is no mention of nepenthe, Helen’s drug of forgetting one’s sorrow, which Homer depicts she serves to Telemachus during his search for his missing father Odysseus. Scholars speculate nepenthe was a mixture of opium, mandrake, henbane, belladonna and hashish. In a 2023 profile of Wilson in The New Yorker, Judith Thurman calls the queen "semi-divine Helen, Zeus' daughter," with "a witchy seventh sense, a ventriloquist's voice, and a pharmacy of magic potions." Also absent from the film is Zeus' wife Hera, about whom Wilson says, "Nothing beats Hera, dressing up with super-chic earrings and skin creams to mess with Zeus' plans."
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| Circe turning the Greeks to pigs with her magic wand. |
"There are more female characters than in most Nolan movies, thanks to the source material. But none of them has much to say, in contrast to the characterisations in the poem," Wilson writes. Nyong’o’s double part as Helen and Clytemnestra is "hugely underwritten" and Athena is a "vulnerable victim of war," hardly the "scheming and bloodthirsty war goddess" Homer paints. Mentor (Ryan Hurst) who helps Telemachus (Tom Holland) is not the disguised goddess Athena but "a helpful guy with a beard."
Theron as Calypso "looks gorgeous, but she's reduced to being an unpaid therapist, soothing the soul of the bedraggled, PTSD-ridden Odysseus with drugs, and graciously listening to his disjointed tale of woe." In Homer's text, the demi-goddess has "a wonderfully outraged, operatic speech about divine double standards: male gods can kidnap and rape any mortal woman they desire, but when a goddess tries it, Zeus and his cronies scupper her chances."
Wilson notes that the "magical year" Odysseus spends having sex with Circe is also omitted. New York Times art and culture critic Maya Phillips was particularly offended by the depiction of Circe and her pigsty of a home. She notes that in Wilson’s translation, it is a place of “polished stones, on high foundations,” where "nymphs carry fancy cloths, gold cups and silver bowls for guests and where wild animals fawn around her like house pets." Circe was "a character as wily as the hero, and more knowledgeable."
"In Homer’s telling, Odysseus becomes so enamored of her that she becomes a kind of substitute wife," writes Phillips. "When she changes Odysseus’ soldiers back, Homer notes that they’re even more handsome than before, and are bathed in oil and dressed in nice clothes. Odysseus and his men spend a year living happily with Circe and her nymph servant girls, as Wilson writes in her translation: 'Then every day / for a whole year we feasted there on meat / and sweet strong wine.'”
Comparative mythologist Joseph Campbell is quoted in Goddesses: Mysteries of the Feminine Divine saying, "The Iliad represents the male-oriented Indo-European world and Zeus, Apollo, and the Olympians in general figure in it the most prominently. Following The Iliad, we come to The Odyssey, where we have the return of the Goddess. It was Samuel Butler [in The Authoress of the Odyssey] who said that The Odyssey was probably written by a woman. The change in mode and mood from The Iliad and its the male war- and achievement-oriented psychology to that of The Odyssey, where learning about life from the goddess, is very important."Odysseus and his men go ashore on the way home, and "there they rape the women and ravage the town just for fun," said Campbell. "But when they return to their ships the gods say, 'This is no way for a man to return to his wife!' He needs to be reintroduced, or as they would say today, debriefed. So for ten days the gods blow the ships about until they come ashore at the Land of the Lotus Eaters. From then on they are in the realm of dreams and visions, the world of myth. Odysseus will encounter three nymphs, and not one of them can be pushed around, because he must meet the female principle on her own terms." Campbell says Circe is the temptress, Calypso the wife, and Nausicaa (absent from the film) the virgin.
"Now, think back on the cause of the Trojan War: three goddesses, Aphrodite, Hera, and Athena, are competing, with Paris as the judge, for the beauty prize....When Paris is asked to judge the three goddesses, says Jane Harrison in her wonderful book Prolegomena to the Study of Greek Religion, it amounts to a male put-down of the Goddess. For here were the three major classical goddesses, the three aspects of the one Goddess who is manifested in these three modes, and here is Paris, a languid young man, judging them as though in an Atlantic City beauty contest! And they are vying for his vote by giving him bribes and promises."
Oh well, what can you expect these days from a movie starring actors from the Marvel universe (Spiderman Tom Holland and his MJ/wife Zendaya, who also stars as a teenage drug user in TV's Euphoria). The emphasis is on battles with giants, like the Cyclops and the "overdressed" Laestrygonians. The most poignant moment for me was, during the taking of Troy, when Athena/her statue are beheaded. It reminded me of the destruction of the Temple of Artemis and the defacing of goddess statues everywhere."At the end of the day, this is a man’s story of greatness," writes Phillips. "Even in Odysseus’ questionable moments, there’s never any question that he is still the noble warrior, the honorable leader. As for the women — the lovers, the betrayers, the goddess and, of course, the witch — they’re no more than the trimmings on our hero’s armor."
We're living in a country where our newly dubbed Secretary of War Pete Hegseth has announced he will begin testing soldiers for their testosterone levels, amid a larger effort by the Trump administration to promote and expand public access to testosterone replacement therapies. Tech bros and our Secretary of Health RFK Jr. have managed to get FDA approval for dubious injectable peptides being used for "looks maxing" and goddess knows what else, even as athletes compete on steroids, growth hormones and Adderall in the Thiel-verse, MAGA-backed "Enhanced Games."
Veterans everywhere report that cannabis helps with pain and PTSD symptoms, including recurring nightmares. VA doctors still don't recommend cannabis, although several bills have been introduced allowing them to do so and now that medical marijuana has been moved to Schedule III, that may change. Meanwhile, the VA is involved in 20 active clinical trials focused on psychedelic therapies to address mental health and high suicide rates among veterans.
We've got to get a handle on our over reliance on male dominance and the drugs that fuel it, and restore the male/female balance with better healing plants. Meanwhile, Wilson ended her tirade with thanks for the movie sending folks to read translations of Homer (including hers, by the millions).
UPDATE: Dr. Carla Ionescu, author of She Who Hunts: Artemis, the Goddess Who Changed the World and hostess of The Goddess Project podcast, contributes a thoughtful piece titled, "Christopher Nolan's 'The Odyssey': I Can't Believe I'm Defending Homer." Meanwhile, male-stream media is stirring up controversy around Wilson's critique of Nolan's film, which seems to have begun with a tweet about interpretation and translation from Joyce Carol Oates.
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| The USS Constitution ("Old Ironsides") giving a 21-gun salute on July 4 in Boston Harbor |
The Constitution is the only survivor of the United States Navy’s original six frigates. Undefeated in battle, her mission was to "keep the sea lanes open for commerce, fight pirates, land Marines in trouble spots (...to the shores of Tripoli...), and prevent the slave trade."
As part of what became known as the Barbary Wars, the ship was sent to Tripoli in 1803, after President Thomas Jefferson refused to pay an increased "tribute" to pirates for the protection of commerce at the Libyan port. The United States prevailed after a combined naval and land assault by the US Marine Corps.
Britain continued to oppose American trade and navigation in the Mediterranean – a stance that would contribute to the War of 1812. It was during that war that the Constitution earned its nickname "Old Ironsides" after defeating the British warship HMS Guerriere and sailors watched as enemy cannonballs bounced harmlessly off the hull.
The ship went on to win additional battles before embarking on a world cruise in the 1840s, sailing more than 52,000 miles and visiting over 25 countries while protecting American commerce and gathering intelligence on foreign waters. By 1860, it was no longer needed as a frontline warship and instead served as a training vessel for midshipmen at the Naval Academy. The Constitution’s primary mission has now become education and public outreach, and since the 1930s, the vessel has been stationed at the Charlestown Navy Yard in Boston, where it was built in 1797.
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| Bales of hemp being unloaded onto Navy Yard railroad for rigging of the USS Constitution (March 1927). |
I caught a video clip of Barack inaugurating the library's basketball court with some NBAers and spotted "All the Smoke" co-hosts Matt Barnes and Stephen Jackson. Obama sat down for an interview for the podcast, which doesn't shy away from talking about cannabis, but covers so much more about basketball and life.
Of course I wondered if they would ask Obama, who admitted to smoking pot as a teenager growing up in Hawaii, saying, "Of course I inhaled. That was the point." Instead, our former president brought the topic up himself.
During a discussion of Barack coming to terms with his biracial heritage, he said, "Part of the thing that I figured out around 19, 20 was ...there's no one way to be Black. I remember in college, because I was trying to be—I won't say a roughneck, but...look, in my high school years I was getting high a lot, and partying a lot" before going into how he evolved from playing the Fresh Prince to something more like Carlton during that time. He then talked about taking the Higher Ground.
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| Eve Babitz photographed by Julian Wasser |
Bowart suggested that a member of the committee should have an LSD session and report back to the other members. Paula Sherwood, 26, a senior at New York University, also testified, saying along with Babitz that they would continue to take the drug even if it were made illegal. (This didn't happen until the 1970 Controlled Substances Act.)
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| David Hockney photographic collage, 1986 J. Paul Getty Museum, Los Angeles |
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Reggae singer/songwriter Etana introduced her women-grown, organic cannabis brand Etana Herbs at a concert celebrating her birthday at the intimate Chapel of the Flowers in Berkeley, CA on Saturday May 23. Hot off the presses and flown in from LA for the event was her packaging, featuring a fearless image of the musician, now available on a T-shirt at her website.
Wearing a glittering jacket and luminous "high" heels, she commanded the stage and conjured up much enthusiastic dancing / swaying with joy in the crowd of Reggae fans, who had just feasted on an authentic meal of jerk chicken, oxtail, veggies and plantains.
Stopping her concert to make her ganja brand announcement, she noted, "It's all natural, organic, just the way we like it," and named some of the strains/flavors, like papaya.
The artist then treated the crowd to some of her songs from "Etana - The Ganja Collection," her 4/20/26 digital release, a "soulful 7-track tribute to the Sacred Herb, Roots Reggae & Jamaican culture."
She began with "Sensemilla":
I have found a tree that heals inside of me
Changes everything, everything that I've been told....
It's the herb that calm my nerves
It's the herb that will heal the world
And moved into "Gimi De Weed":
This one is for all ganja lovers around the world
All ganja boys and all ganja girls...
No more youths in the jail house for weed...
Oh what a day when ganja man get free
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| Health Secretary RFK Jr.'s parents Robert and Ethel Kennedy |
As the federal government moves to legalize psychedelics, particularly ibogaine, at the urging of Joe Rogan and in hopes no doubt that his and other drug-peace loving minions will look kindly on Trump and his coattail brigade of brigands in the upcoming midterm elections. Standing with Trump and Rogan at the policy announcement was HHS Secretary RFK Jr., whose support for psychedelics may stem from his mother Ethel's clinical experience with LSD in the 1960s while her husband was a US Senator.
Michael Pollan spoke about Ethel's LSD experience and RFK Sr.'s Congressional-floor comments on the topic during a Fresh Air interview about his new book, A World Appears: A Journey Into Consciousness. According to Acid Dreams by Martin A. Lee and Bruce Shlain, "The decision to curtail LSD research was the subject of a Congressional probe....the inquiry in the spring of 1966 was lead by Senator Robert Kennedy (D-NY), whose wife Ethel reportedly underwent LSD therapy with Dr. Ross MacLean." (p. 93).A SPIN magazine article "When Bobby Kennedy Defended LSD" reprinted in a newsletter from MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies), says that the conservative Sen. Thomas Dodd (D-CT), an alcoholic who was later censured by the Senate for political corruption, convened The Special Subcommittee on Juvenile Delinquency for three hearings on LSD and other psychedelic drugs in 1966.
"RFK, whose wife had been treated with LSD and benefitted from the experience, adopted a quite different tone in his questioning of FDA and NIMH officials in his own subcommittee hearing on LSD," says the article. "He was curious as to why so many LSD research projects were getting scrapped. When the officials evaded the questions, RFK got straight to the point. 'Why if they were worthwhile six months ago, why aren’t they worthwhile now?' he asked repeatedly."
The article quotes Kennedy saying, "Perhaps to some extent we have lost sight of the fact that (LSD) can be very, very helpful in our society if used properly.”
Inspired by a post on a Turner Classic Movies Facebook fan group that noted it's Women's History Month and asked for readers to send in their favorite costumes worn by women(!), I started coming up with this list of women who have been portrayed in film instead, and it's quite an impressive one:
Greer Garson played orphans' advocate Edna Gladney in Blossoms in the Dust (1941) and Marie Curie Madame Curie (1943), a role played by Rosamund Pike in the 2019 film Radioactive. Garson was Oscar-nominated for playing Eleanor Roosevelt in Sunrise at Campobello (1960); Jane Alexander played the role in the miniseries Eleanor and Franklin in 1976 and Jean Stapleton did in the 1982 TV movie Eleanor, First Lady of the World.
Bette Davis portrayed Queen Elizabeth I in The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex (1939). Jean Simmons played the young Queen in Young Bess (1953), as Cate Blanchett did (more realistically) in Elizabeth (1998).
Deborah Kerr starred in a fictionalized account of governess Anna Leonowens in The King and I (1956). In 1959, The Diary of Anne Frank premiered; Shelly Winters donated the Supporting Actress Oscar she won for the film to the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam. Susan Hayward won an Oscar for her portrayal of Barbara Graham in I Want to Live. (Jazz, and marijuana, are blamed.) Patty Duke was named Best Supporting Actress for playing Helen Keller in A Miracle Worker (1962).
Through archival film footage and interviews, the film follows McCartney's musical journey, starting with the breakup The Beatles. Criticized for putting out apolitical albums of what he later called (unapologetically) "silly love songs" with his band Wings—featuring his wife Linda on keyboards—the band and Paul's songwriting gained an edge when he faced jail time for growing five marijuana plants on their family farm in March 1973.
According to a TV interviewer in the film, it was said in court that, "McCartney had a considerable interest in horticulture, and many of his fans sent him seeds to grow. The cannabis seeds, it was said, came to him in such a way." He admitted he had knowingly growing the plants, but claimed he didn't know what they were.
The film does not mention the statement McCartney made in court regarding cannabis's legal status. “I feel that there should be legislation on the use of cannabis," he said. "Drink is a much worse drug to my mind than cannabis.”
Later that year, Wings hit their stride with the release of their album "Band on the Run." The album was recorded in Nigera, where McCartney said he smoked the strongest weed he ever had in an interview with Marc Maron where he noted that "for the creative process it was required."
I've always loved figure skating, maybe since watching the graceful and glorious Peggy Fleming winning the Olympic gold medal in 1968 when I was just a girl. Where I grew up in Pennsylvania we skated in the winter, on ponds at our local mall that had an ice skating rink where scenes from the movie "Flashdance" were filmed.
At this year's Olympics I fell for Alysa Liu during her short program, which placed her third going into her final triumphant free skate. Liu has blossomed into an entirely different kind of skater, one more focused on her art than the competition, resulting in a relaxed and joyous presence on the ice that's captivated the world.
Liu trained at the public rink in the city of Oakland, CA, just a few blocks away from the area known as Oaksterdam for its preponderance of Amsterdam-style cannabis shops that started springing up after California voters legalized medical marijuana in 1996. She gave a shout-out to her home city, pointing to an Oakland flag that a fan had brought, after her lyrical short program. “I’m just glad,” she said, “that I could bring Oakland to Milan.” Her championship long program skate that was set to Donna Summers's disco version of "MacArthur Park," a 1970s song about a park in Los Angeles.
Liu's father, who (as everyone knows by now), fled China after organizing protests against the government there, saw promise in his oldest child and paid for skating coaches, taking her to winning her first US National Championship at age 13 (the youngest female champion ever). At the 2022 Olympics in Beijing, she came in sixth despite the extra pressure of the Chinese government attempting to "naturalize" her, after sending spies to gather information on her and her father. Doubtlessly traumatized by that, and tired of the regimented life of a competitive skater, she quit the sport that year at the age of 16, so that she could have more of a normal teenage life, going to concerts, taking her first vacation, and getting her driver's license.
Describing going on a ski trip with friends in 2024, Liu said it "was such an adrenaline rush, to get down the mountain when your legs are that tired. It's hard, and you had to tap into that part of you that fights, and I hadn't felt that since I quit skating.....and I was like, if I can get what I'm feeling from skating, I should just do that."
Liu told 60 Minutes that she initially went back to skating for "quick hits of dopamine." She told ESPN, "I have ADHD and I love situations that I'm not expecting. It gives me a dopamine rush. With little mistakes, I love working through it. I have to think. And although it's not ideal to make those mistakes in competition, it was made and my brain still was releasing those chemicals and I had to think, 'What next? I have to add a combo here and here.' It was a little bit of fun and a nice little challenge."
The conversation starts with the clarification that, like the famous NYT editorial series of 2014, theirs is pro-legalization, due to the harms of cannabis prohibition—namely huge numbers of arrests, disproportionately for people of color. They pointed out that they say in the editorial that they oppose the current ballot measure in Massachusetts that would re-criminalize cannabis.
During the discussion, both Leonhardt and Lopez went right away to the fact that things are too loose now because marijuana can be smelled walking down the street. In Lopez’s case he says he was offered a hit on the street in his native Ohio, and Leonhardt talked about the streets of NYC and DC, where he spends time. Leonhardt also seemed distiurbed by the proliferation of cannabis shops in Colorado.Lopez expressed concern that legalization has increased use, drawing on his perspective reporting on the opioid crisis. He was also alarmed that we have “culturally embraced" cannabis. “You see Gwyneth Paltrow investing in Big Weed in CA,” was an example he used, picking up on the prohibitionist organization SAM’s drumbeat about Big Weed.
Filmmakers Kip Andersen and Chris O'Connell were able to conduct the last interview with Peron just before he died in 2018, and his story is told in flashback with remarkable footage of Peron's historic Cannabis Buyer's Club, including police video from an officer who infiltrated the club, news reports, and interviews all skillfully edited together.
Born in the Bronx, Peron was drafted into the Vietnam War where he recounts seeing 1000 dead soldiers the month that he arrived. Eschewing alcohol as "the war drug," Peron smoked his first joint instead, and the filmmakers do a wonderful job of depicting how that changed his life. Bringing back three pounds of marijuana when he returned from Vietnam launched his career as a pot dealer and activist in San Francisco.
Peron began his political involvement as a supporter of Harvey Milk, who was the first openly gay man elected to public office in California when he became a San Francisco supervisor. The assassination of Milk and Mayor George Moscone highlighted the terrible ongoing prejudice against the gay community, as did the arrests and police shooting of Peron.
The film does an excellent job of taking us to the origins of the AIDS epidemic and the relief that patients were getting from cannabis. The death of Dennis's young, beautiful lover Jonathan West from AIDS catapulted him to begin distributing cannabis to AIDS patients and operating what was described as the first AIDS hospice, where patients could gather and support each other in community.
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| Kay Francis is offered a marijuana cigarette by William Powell in "Jewel Robbery" |
After invading a jewelry store where Francis and her elderly husband are picking out a large diamond ring, Powell congenially holds everyone hostage and robs the store's inventory. He then takes the unusual step of offering the shop's owner a marijuana cigarette, saying, "Do smoke one of my cigarettes. Now, inhale deeply...."
Despite having just been robbed, the man begins giggling so vociferously that Francis asks Powell, "What did you give him?" Powell replies, "A pleasant, harmless smoke. He'll awake in the morning fresh and happy, with a marvelous appetite."
He then offers her a cigarette, saying, "They're harmless, really. Two puffs, and you'll be hearing soft music. The world will begin to revolve pleasantly. Three, a beautiful dream." She asks, "How do you know this?" and he replies, "Experience. I assure you, all the ladies fall asleep happily." "So that you steal their jewels in peace, I suppose," she replies. Refusing to smoke, she says, "I prefer to keep my wits about me, thank you" (which, considering her circumstances, was rather wise).
Powell then hornswoggles a security guard into carrying his loot out to the getaway car, and gives him as a tip his box of marijuana cigarettes. The guard fully enjoys smoking one of the joints, inhaling deeply. When he is questioned by the police, he offers the chief one of his stash and the two are soon yukking it up fully. Francis of course falls for Powell, but never gets a chance to try another of his cigarettes.
Epstein pleaded guilty and was convicted in 2008 by a Florida state court of procuring a child for prostitution and of soliciting a prostitute, and was given a sweetheart plea deal that didn't seem to affect his business or other activities. He soon had some lighthearted exchanges with his correspondents about marijuana and the potential to "cash in" on it.
An MD with a redacted name wrote to Epstein on 9/5/2010, "AND do you know WHO aside from the Israelis owns most of the water capture technology.... Hint...I adore him and he just cut off all his hair and I will see him in concert at the state fair on the 16th... (scroll down) WILLIE NELSON! Maybe marijuana does make you a better you." (Nelson played the Puyallup, WA state fair on 9/16/2010. His hair did look shorter in photos from the fair. Reportedly he did own a water capture company.)
On Sep. 21, 2013, [REDACTED] wrote: "[REDACTED] suggested perhaps medicinal weed for me ;)" Epstein replied: "Yes, my 2nd great idea after Zombie Porn! They say these things come in 3's So we should all cash in on the next one!" Hong Kong based academic and tech bro Gino Yu sent Epstein a link on August 23, 2016 to an article titled, "Researchers find lab rats on marijuana just can't be bothered" with the comment, "Roaches on dmt next?" One of Epstein's attorneys Erika Kellerhals wrote in an email on September 7, 2016, "All these marijuana guys are stuck using credit unions because no banks will take their money. IBE angle..." probably referring to International Banking Entities. In December 2018, Epstein received a pitch about a cannabis investment fund.
Some deaths hit you hard. Bob Wier, who was still in his teens when he hooked up with Jerry Garcia to start making music, passed on January 10 after a brief illness, and Deadheads everywhere mourned and celebrated his life.
I first saw the Grateful Dead on their "Live at Last" tour in the late '80s, after Garcia came back from a coma to re-learn the guitar. I thought, "This is where the 60s went" when I saw the parking lot scene: hippie selling colorful crafts, grilled cheese sandwiches and other goodies in a makeshift community that followed the band from show to show. I saw them play with Bob Dylan and several other shows back in the day when you could send in for tickets as part of a lottery for big shows.
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| Bill Clinton float with a phattie at the 1993 Grateful Dead Mardi Gras show. |
Pagels grew up in Palo Alto, the child of academic parents (who were horrified by her dabblings into religion as a child). She had an early fascination with the trippy Gospel of John, which was also Emily Dickinson's favorite Bible book. In high school, she hung out with a group of artists, and writes that she knew the (years older) Jerry Garcia, and attended his first wedding (to a very pregnant young woman). In high school, he dated Garcia's friend Paul Speegle, who died in a car crash that Jerry, also in the car, survived, and she surmises that the name The Grateful Dead “must have resonated from the crash he’d survived five years earlier.” The car crash also caused her to leave her new-found religion when born again Christains told her her Jewish friend would burn in hell.
“Many of us, of course, have left religious institutions behind, and prefer to identify as ‘spiritual, not religious,’” she writes at the outset of Why Religion? “I’ve done both – had faith, lost it; joined groups, and left them....What matters to me more than whether we participate in institutions or leave them is how we engage the imagination – in dreams, art, poetry, music – since what each of us needs, and what we can engage, obviously differs and changes throughout our lifetime.”
After graduating Stanford, Pagels applied to a Harvard doctoral program in the study of religion, and was rejected by Prof. Krister Stendahl because, he wrote, “women students have always quit before receiving a degree.” However she was encouraged to apply again the following year if she was “still serious," and after completing a Masters in classics at Stanford and continuing to study advanced Greek and Latin, she re-applied and was accepted. There she studied the “secret” gnostic gospels discovered at Nag Hammadi in 1945, written in Coptic around the 2nd - 4th century AD.
Her husband Heinz, a physicist and author of The Cosmic Code who was interested in consciousness, took part in an LSD experiment at Palo Alto Veteran's Hospital while in graduate school. What he took "wasn't a placebo," he told Elaine later, "saying how astonished he was to see stars and galaxies being born and dying, while others emerged, through what felt like innumerable ages." The summer they married (1969), he encouraged his new wife to try it, "promising to cope with any difficulty that might arise."
Pagels writes she "anticipated that what would happen might involve what I was writing about, some kind of Christian vision. Instead, as I sat in the apartment, looking out at the sky, the trees in light wind, and the garden, I saw everything alive as fire, gloriously intertwined. Watching, ecstatic and speechless, for about five hours, I finally managed to say, 'I guess that solved the dying problem.' What horrified me before, when [her high school friend] Paul died—that a beloved person could simply disappear, and disintegrate—now seemed to resolve into a deeper unity of the whole."