Shimmering in a silver gown and an equally sparkling wit, comedienne Nikki Glaser opened her first-ever solo-female hosting of The Golden Globes with a drug joke.
"Welcome to the Golden Globes," she greeted. "Ozempic's biggest night." She followed by noting what a powerful room she was playing to, saying, "You can do anything, except tell people how to vote." That zinger landed, as did the rest of her strong and confident set.
Doing her crowd work mistressfully, Glaser pointed out the "legendary" Harrison Ford, saying she spoke with him backstage. "I asked him if he would rather work with Zendaya or Ariana, and he said Indica....so we're going to find him some." Ford—who has never outed himself as a pot smoker despite Carrie Fisher doing so—scowled at this, but Glenn Close sitting next to him smiled beatifically. (Close puffed pot with her pals in "The Big Chill.")
The female nominees and winners were an interesting bunch, largely actresses like Kiera Knightley and Amy Adams starring in dark thrillers. The most interesting-sounding one, "The Substance," won Demi Moore the Globe for her performance as an aging actress taking a drug that turns her into a younger version of herself. Moore gave The Speech of the Night, relating that this was her first award after working for 45 years in the field, and being told she was merely a "popcorn actress."
Also nominated were Kate Winslet for "Lee," in which she portrays war photographer Lee Miller, and Angelina Jolie for her portrayal of opera singer Maria Callas. Pam Anderson (appearing makeup-less) was nominated for "The Last Show Girl," for which Miley Cyrus's song "Beautiful That Way" was nominated. Best Song, and a Best Supporting Actress trophy, went to Zoe Saldana's work on "Emilia Pérez," about a south American drug lord who undergoes gender-affirming surgery. It was sweet to watch co-nominee Selena Gomez chant, "Zoe, Zoe, Zoe" before Saldana was announced as the acting winner. Accepting the Best Musical or Comedy Motion Picture prize, the movie's transgender star Karla Sofia Gascon gave a historic and moving speech.
Another winner was the Portuguese actress Fernanda Torres for "I'm Still Here," in which she portrays Eunice Paiva, a mother and activist coping with the forced disappearance of her dissident Brazilian politician husband, for which Frenchwoman Coralie Fargeat was nominated for Best Director. The only other female Best Director nominee was Payal Kapadia, the Indian writer and director of "All We Imagine As Light," about two Malayali nurses living together in Mumbai.
Adrien Brody won for "The Brutalist," a 3 1/2 hour movie about an architect who flees post-war Europe to live in the US, which also took Best Director and Best Drama Motion Picture. Also on the male side, Colin Farrell won for playing a comic-book character ("The Penguin") and Kieran Culkin won Best Supporting Actor, which should have gone to his "Succession" co-star Jeremy Strong for his pitch-perfect portrayal of Ray Cohn in "The Apprentice." Daniel Craig was nominated for "Queer," based on a William S. Burrows novel, and Timothée Chalamet for playing Bob Dylan in "A Complete Unknown" (in which Suze Rotolo is strangely fictionalized).
Ali Wong took the Best Stand Up Performance prize away from Glaser, Seth Rogen, and a few other men. Viola Davis got the Cecil B. De Mille Award, presented by her "Doubt" co-star Meryl Streep, but disappointingly, it wasn't presented during the telecast. Nor was Ted Danson's receipt of the Carol Burnett award.
With a dizzying number of costume changes, all fabulous, Glaser stopped herself from performing "Pope-ular," wearing Glinda's pink dress and magic wand from "Wicked" along with a pope's hat in homage to "Conclave." I suppose the Religious Right or Catholic church would have had a conniption fit had she continued, but I'd rather have seen the Martin Short treatment he performed in "We Need a New Prescription" on SNL ("Don't snort snow and don't smoke holly/ Here's my plan to make you jolly.")
During her hostess duties, Glaser admitted to having plastic surgery done, and
it's too bad that her great moment of fame came just as her face is
almost unrecognizable to me. I won't say it's the worst face job since
Matt Gaetz, because that's something she might say (and it isn't true).
Jean Smart, who again won a Globe for "Hacks,"
which also won the Best Television Series - Musical or Comedy prize,
ate some gummies on the show, but only for pain after she has plastic surgery.
Glaser—who has an off-again, on-again relationship with weed—does her homework, writing lots of jokes and trying them out in clubs before going onstage. She read a series of jokes she didn't feel she could tell the crowd to their faces on the Howard Stern show the next day, and they all had Robin Quivers (and me) cracking up.
And Glaser wasn't entirely kidding about the Ozempic: The show was sponsored by Lilly, which got a screen credit at the end of the night just before advertising its newly approved obesity / sleep apnea drug Zepbound. The Ozempic theme song is to the tune of "It's Magic," but we know where the true magic does and doesn't lie.
ADDENDA: Culkin has been in the news since his win, after opening up to The Guardian about the time he slipped a real joint onto the prop table before Mark Ruffalo and an unnamed actress smoked it onstage. Ruffalo told the tale (without naming Culkin, and pantomiming passing a joint to Nicki Minaj) on the Graham Norton show. After taking a big stage-sized hit, "I thought, 'I'm really feeling it tonight!'" he said, adding that he got the best reviews of his career that night. Although the audience gasped when Ruffalo said the actress he passed the joint to onstage had never smoked pot, Culkin told the Guardian she said, "Is this what being high is? This is lovely," and co-star Phyllis Newman said, "I haven't smoked pot since the '60s. Thank you, darling."
Also making the Social Media rounds is Brody imitating a dread-locked Jamaican Rastaman on SNL, with some claiming the 2023 bit got him banned him from the show (something Brody denies).
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler,
who hosted the Globes five years ago, also opened with a drug joke:
Fey: "Those of you at home, I wish you could feel the excitement in this
room."
Poehler: "You can smell the pills from here."
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